Perfectionism, at its core, is a relentless pursuit of flawlessness and the avoidance of any perceived mistakes or imperfections. Individuals with perfectionist tendencies often set exceedingly high standards for themselves, fostering a mindset where nothing short of perfection is acceptable. Self-care is crucial, in general but also particularly when it comes to challenging unhelpful perfectionism. The annoying thing is that perfectionism or perfectionistic tendencies can start to interfere with how we engage in self-care. Here are some things to look out for:
Overdoing Self-Care: Paradoxically, perfectionists can take self-care to an extreme. This might look like meticulously planning and executing self-care routines, feeling the need to ensure every aspect is flawless. This can lead to overexertion, burnout, and ironically, an erosion of the very well-being we are trying to enhance.
Self-Care as an Achievement: Perfectionists might view self-care as another arena to excel in. This can turn self-care into a performance-driven activity, where we seek external validation for their self-care efforts. The inability to meet our own high standards in self-care can trigger feelings of inadequacy and self-criticism.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: Perfectionists often think in black-and-white terms. This can manifest as believing that if I can't engage in self-care perfectly (e.g., meditating for an exact amount of time or adhering to a strict exercise routine, like running to time), then it's not worth doing at all. This rigid mindset can deter us from enjoying the benefits of even small self-care efforts.
Negative Self-Talk: The pursuit of perfectionism can lead to a constant inner dialogue of self-criticism. We may berate ourselves for not engaging in self-care "well enough" or for any perceived lapses. This internal negativity can erode the positive effects of self-care.
So in light of this, how can one cultivate healthy self-care habits?
Embrace Imperfection: Encourage the practice of self-compassion and understanding. Accept that self-care doesn't have to be flawless and that even small efforts can make a significant difference in overall well-being.
Flexible Self-Care: Promote the idea of adaptable self-care routines. Explore different self-care activities and allow freedom to adjust your routines based on your needs and circumstances. For example, if the goal is to meditate or go for a run, see if you can take the pressure off to time it and rather do it for as long as feels good.
Mindful Presence: Try to be present in the moment during self-care activities. Mindfulness can help us let go of the need for perfection and simply enjoy the experience.
Reframing Mistakes: Instead of viewing mistakes as failures, we can view mistakes as opportunities for growth and learning.
By recognising the pitfalls of perfectionism in self-care and embracing a more flexible and self-compassionate approach, we can foster a healthier relationship with ourselves and the pursuit of well-being. Remember, self-care is a journey, not a destination, and its true essence lies in the authenticity and kindness with which it is practiced.
If you would like some further support with managing perfectionism, please don’t hesitate to give our team a call on (03) 9882 8874.
This blog was written and prepared by Hannah Gersh – Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.