The impact of the coronvirus pandemic thus far has been evident in many significant aspects of our lives such as economic, financial, medical, education and productivity. But there are other more subtle ways that the current crisis is impacting on our lives, such as the impact it is having on our relationships. In many ways it will be because we have to have distance from the family and friends we don’t live with and this is leaving us with feelings of isolation and loneliness, but it might also be because we’re now required to be at home around the clock with our partners, children, friends or housemates in very close quarters during a period of very high stress.
For humans moderate stress is easily managed when the cause of stress is brief and we have a feeling of control over the situation. But when stress is prolonged and the cause of the stressor seems out of one’s control, stress is harder to manage. Understandably we’re anxious, stressed, irritated, angry and frustrated. Times like this can therefore put a lot of pressure on relationships. We will get to the other side of this crisis. But how will we get to the other side? The way we manage our relationships at the moment is important because even once this corona virus crisis has passed, the negative impact of it for our relationships could endure. We therefore want to be actively involved in not only making the current crisis easier to manage, but to minimise the long-term impact of this very stressful time.
Here are some things you might want to consider.
Remember that others are scared and stressed too and won’t be their ‘best selves’. Try and be kind and compassionate and empathic.
Try and make positive interactions outweigh negative interactions and make sure you’re considering what your partner considers negative and positive interactions and emphasising interactions that they would experience as positive.
Remember that it is understandable that fights happen but hold in mind that how you manage the conflict is more important than whether you argue, and that children are watching and learning from you all the time.
Stay away from unnecessary squabbles and fights and pick your battles. Let things that aren’t essential go. Call a truce on major issues if you can until the crisis has passed so that living together can feel tolerable.
Recognise the way that your routines have changed and the ways that this is a challenge. This could either be a challenge or an opportunity to develop new ways of looking after one another.
Consider ways that you could be your ‘best self’ in the context of your relationships and make any changes you can, big or small, to be supportive of your loved ones or the people you live with. Now is definitely the time to ‘step up’. Be good to others by listening, being patient, generous and supportive, you could touch more and ask if and how you can help.
Take space and time for yourself to have some physical, emotional and psychological space from others. Read a book, do a puzzle, have a bath, go for a walk, put some headphones in and listen to something quietly for a while. Look after your own mental health and wellbeing so that you can look after others as well.
Connect with gratitude by thinking about the ways in which you are fortunate and the things that you are grateful for.
Think about creative ways you can stay connected with the people that you can’t physically see. Use technology to have video calls, write letters, send a card, send photos, send others your love and let them that you’re thinking of them.
When you’re out in the community running your essential errands, try and be kind, courteous and friendly even to strangers, remembering that everyone is stressed and worried and a little bit of kindness can make a huge difference in someone else’s day.
Consider getting some relationship or family support via telehealth if you need to in order to get through this very difficult time.
If you are experiencing family violence, help is still available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can contact Safe Steps by calling 1800 015 188 or by emailing safesteps@safesteps.org.au. More information is available here: https://www.vic.gov.au/contact-orange-door
If you need support with your relationships or managing the through the COVID-19 pandemic, get in touch with our team on (03) 9882-8874.
This blog post was written and prepared by Dr Victoria Miller - Principal Psychologist here at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.