As humans, we experience a variety of emotions. Emotions are a normal and important part of life. Inevitably we will all experience the full range of emotions, ranging from some of the most joyful and euphoric to the deepest of lows, sometimes in the same day! The way we think about, understand, and relate to our emotions can have important implications for the way we behave, think and continue to feel.
Some emotions are more pleasant to experience than others. For example, it feels good to feel happy, and therefore most of us have no problem with this emotion sticking around. However, other emotions, like sadness, anxiety, and anger, can be uncomfortable to sit with. Often what is accompanied with these emotions is an urge to get rid of the unpleasant feeling. This is understandable, because often we can experience some really uncomfortable physical changes in our body when we are experiencing these emotions. For example, when we feel anxious, we can experience things like an increased heart rate, feeling hot and sweaty, butterflies in the tummy, muscle tension, blurry vision etc. When we feel sad, we can feel tired and sluggish in our body, slower in our movements, and headaches or other body aches. None of these feel overly comfortable, right? So it’s no wonder we don’t like experiencing these emotions.
Sometimes the urge to act in response to an unpleasant emotion can be helpful and adaptive. For example, if you are feeling anxious in response to the presence of real, physical danger in front of you, the urge to get rid of this emotion (through the action of running away) is really appropriate. However, sometimes our mind can misinterpret a situation as dangerous, and therefore the urge to avoid might be unnecessary. In fact, there are certain situations that might be anxiety provoking (like a job interview or going to a party) where avoidance might take you away from your goals and what’s important to you.
In such cases, it is more valuable in the long-term to ‘ride the wave’ of the unpleasant emotion and the associated physical changes in the body. What do I mean by emotions as waves? We can picture emotions like waves, in that they have a beginning, a peak in the middle, and an end (see the image below). At its peak, the urge to do something about the emotion is at its strongest, and this is when we feel most distressed. But remember that the urge slowly reduces over time, and with it so does the emotion. Like a wave, even if you do absolutely nothing about an emotion, it will always pass on its own. No emotion lasts forever.
Knowing that even the most unpleasant of emotions will always pass is a really important thing to keep in mind. This helps us work towards sitting with the distress that we might be experiencing, while also acknowledging that we don’t have to listen to the urge to get rid of the emotion, and instead can move towards actions that are more aligned with our values. With practice over time, we can learn and empower ourselves that we can live a meaningful life even in the face of distressing and uncomfortable emotions.
If you would like to talk more about managing emotions, and learn about further distress tolerance strategies, please don’t hesitate to give our team a call on (03) 9882 8874 or email admin@melbournewellbeinggroup.com.au
This blog was written and prepared by Hannah Gersh – Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.