Broadly speaking, values are qualities that we have or would like to have that inform the things that we believe, think and feel. Values influence our behaviour, our choices and the way we live our lives. Values are not rules, and they are not goals. Instead they are the things that influence our moment to moment choices. We have the freedom to choose the values that suit us the best. You could value for example authenticity, freedom, growth, loyalty, openness, determination, honesty, self-respect, wisdom, mastery, optimism, generosity, justice, obedience, control, respect and security. But truly, there are hundreds of different values, and the values that people prioritise are different for everyone.
So why are values important? Values serve as a guide through life, a way of tuning into whether we are making decisions and living a life that is true to the person that we are and to the person that we want to be. Living a life that is consistent with our values helps to bring life meaning. When we make choices that are incongruous with our underlying values, we can feel feelings such as discomfort, anxiety, regret or perhaps shame. When we make choices that are consistent with our values, we are deciding to focus on what is important to us and we can feel proud, content, happy and a sense of well-being. Tuning into our values helps us to be creative and to grow and can be a great asset to us as we navigate the complexities of life.
Knowing your values is empowering and a great asset. To tune into your values, you could try the following: remember a time when you were the happiest, a time when you were proud and a time when you were fulfilled and consider why you felt this way at this time. What was it that you were doing that led to these outcomes and what values do you think might have underpinned your choices at the time?
You could simply spend time exploring a list of values and write down all the values that jump out at you. There are many lists available on the internet for you to look at. Try creating a list of the values that relate to you the most and then prioritise the four or five values that you feel are the most important to you.
You could also spend some time considering what kind of person, friend, partner, family member or parent you would like to be and why. Consider what kind of work or study environment you would like to have and why, how you imagine the role of personal growth in your life and what kind of community member you would like to be.
Think about a time when you lived by the values that you have chosen and how that made you feel. Also, think about a time when you made choices that weren’t consistent with values and what the consequences of this were.
Consider whether there are things or relationships in your life that make it hard for you to live your values.
Consider whether there are particular thoughts and feelings that lead you towards and away from your values.
Think forward into your future and think about how life would look if you lived by the values you have chosen. How would you behave? What choices would you make? What do you need to attend to and what changes do you need to make to bring you closer to living a life in accordance with your values?
Let your values be your guide. Let your values be a foundation to turn to when you don’t know what decision to make or how to manage something difficult that has arisen in life. Let yourself tune into the feelings and responses that are alerting you that life is off course and that there is a conflict between your values and how life is going, the choices you are making and the behaviours you are using. Tuning into these feelings, re-connecting with your value system and reflecting on the person that you want to be will help bring you back to your values and working towards a life full of meaning.
For support with this process, exploring life conflict, and more contact us on (03) 9882-8874.
This blog was written and prepared by Dr Victoria Miller - Principal Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.