How do you want to show up in life? On why we fear death.

The inevitability of death is a reality we all face, yet it remains one of the most challenging concepts to confront. It often lingers at the periphery of our consciousness, emerging in moments of personal loss, illness, or unexpected events. For many, the thought of mortality evokes fear, sadness, and sometimes even denial. However, exploring this topic openly can transform how we live our daily lives. As the renowned existential thinker Irvin Yalom discusses in his book, Staring at the Sun, grappling with mortality is not solely about preparing for death but also about enhancing life.

Yalom’s work suggests that much of our existential anxiety stems from a refusal to acknowledge the finite nature of life. This avoidance, while understandable, can limit us. When we push thoughts of death aside, we may also suppress a deeper appreciation for life’s richness. It is through recognising our impermanence that we can truly begin to understand what it means to live fully. Yalom encourages us to shift from a place of fear to one of acceptance, where mortality is not a source of despair but rather a reminder of the preciousness of each moment.

By facing the reality of death, we open ourselves to live more meaningfully. Consider how many of our daily concerns—small grievances, material pursuits, fleeting desires—fall away when viewed through the lens of life’s fragility. The realisation that time is limited can inspire us to focus on what truly matters: relationships, personal growth, and contributions to the world around us. This awareness can be a powerful motivator to live authentically, aligned with our deepest values and desires.

Yalom speaks of the concept of “rippling,” the idea that our influence extends beyond our immediate lifetime through the people we affect. Whether it’s through acts of kindness, shared wisdom, or lasting memories, we all leave an imprint that continues even after we are gone. This can be a comforting thought in the face of mortality, offering a sense of continuity beyond our physical presence. But even with this comfort, the fear of death is natural. Yalom does not deny this. Instead, he suggests that by openly acknowledging our fear, we can diminish its power. In talking about death, reading about it, or reflecting on it, we begin to make peace with its inevitability. It becomes less of a looming threat and more a fact of existence—a fact that, once accepted, can bring a sense of liberation.

In embracing mortality, we gain the freedom to make choices based on a deeper understanding of life’s brevity. The mundane becomes more significant, and the extraordinary becomes attainable. How do we want to show up in life? As Yalom writes, “Though the physicality of death destroys us, the idea of death can save us.” It saves us from wasting time, from taking for granted the things that make life worth living. Mortality, far from being a burden, can be a guide towards a more meaningful and intentional existence. In the end, the awareness of our mortality is not about preparing for the inevitable, but about choosing to live with greater depth and authenticity. By accepting that life is finite, we grant ourselves the opportunity to live fully, with purpose, clarity, and a deep appreciation for the moments we have.

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This blog was written and prepared by Dr Celin Gelgec – Clinic Director and Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.