How hurt do you feel when someone invalidates your feelings? How many times have you heard the following be said to you in your lifetime from various people: “You’re over-reacting”, “Why are you so sensitive?”, “Don’t do this to yourself”, “Calm down I was just joking!”, “You’re acting crazy!”. Gets your blood boiling, right? Here are 7 ways to respond to these and other comments made by others when you feel invalidated.

You’re overreacting: “What I feel is real and valid. You may disagree with how I feel but my feelings are based on my own internal experience”.
Just calm down. “Please don’t tell me how to feel”.
Don’t be so sensitive, I was just joking! “Your joke was not funny to me, and it hurt my feelings.”
You’re acting crazy! “You saying that makes me doubt my perspective which is not ok. My perception is what it is and you calling me crazy is an attempt to shut down this conversation.”
It doesn’t mean anything. “I am noticing that something is bothering me and I would appreciate it if we could work together to resolve this issue”.
I know exactly how you feel. I went through something similar. “I am sorry you went through that”.
It could be worse/At least…. “Please let me feel what I feel. The last thing I want right now is to be guilted into feeling ungrateful. Everyone’s experience is important”.

When we feel invalidated by someone, we can feel dismissed, unimportant, and rejected. If it is done consistently, it acts as a form of emotional abuse as it can leave the person feeling doubtful. When you feel invalidated it’s important to speak up and let the other person know the impact it has on you. Most of the time, the person who is being invalidating is not being malicious and oftentimes means well. So tread with patience and work together to figure it out.

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This blog was written and prepared by Dr Celin Gelgec – Clinic Director and Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.