Soothing is a natural instinct. When I think about the word soothing, what straight away comes to mind is making other people feel better when they are sad. Indeed, most of us are familiar with the concept of soothing other people. A really obvious example of soothing is our reaction to a baby crying. Naturally we tend to find it pretty uncomfortable to hear a baby crying for an extended period of time, and when faced with this situation we tend to do things to try to calm or comfort the baby, like pick him or her up, rock, cuddle, and so on. Additionally, if someone we care about is noticeably upset or afraid, we naturally try to do things to make them feel better. We all know the power of a good hug!
So what is self-soothing? You may have heard it in reference to baby sleep training, whereby a baby is taught to settle itself back to sleep when it wakes up during the night. However, self-soothing is not only for babies! Self-soothing refers to any behaviour a person does with the intention to regulate their emotional state by themselves. The ability to calm oneself in the face of stress, anxiety and panic is a really beneficial tool that we can all learn to master.
Why is self-soothing so important? Well, sometimes we find ourselves in stressful situations where other people are not around to give us the emotional support we might need. Or sometimes we do have people around us, but they do not properly understand our needs and therefore can’t provide us with the soothing we require. Therefore, self-soothing can be a source of much needed support and comfort in stressful situations. While it is okay to rely on others from time to time, it is incredibly empowering to be able to look after ourselves!
While it generally comes naturally to soothe others when they are having a rough time, self-soothing is something a lot of people can find challenging. And therefore, like any new skill, it requires practice.
Sometimes individuals engage in self-soothing behaviours that are ineffective for a number of reasons, for example sometimes the behaviour is dangerous, socially inappropriate, results in the individual feeling embarrassed or is not a behaviour that aligns with the individual’s values. This can include behaviours like alcohol or other substance use, emotional eating, compulsive gaming, excessive internet or television usage, and the list goes on. These behaviours may be effective in relieving stress or anxiety in the short term, however may create longer term problems.
So what does effective self-soothing look like?
A really good place to start is to utilise our 5 senses. Engaging with our senses can help us to feel grounded and anchored in the present moment. We all have different sensory needs, so I encourage you to have a play around with the different strategies outlined in the image below and see what works best for you. All of these strategies can act as effective ways to calm the nervous system down in the face of stress or panic and to return to a state of homeostasis.
This blog was written and prepared by Hannah Gersh – Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group. If you would like to learn more about self-soothing and to develop further skills in this area, give our team a call to arrange an appointment on (03) 9882-8874.