As the end of the year approaches, many of us feel a familiar sense of anticipation. The New Year promises fresh starts, clean slates, and the opportunity to become the best version of ourselves. But with these feelings of hope come the pressures of New Year’s resolutions. This tradition, while well-intentioned, often sets us up for disappointment, self-criticism, and feelings of failure. While resolutions may seem harmless, there’s mounting evidence that they may, in fact, be more harmful than helpful for our mental well-being. Let’s unpack why.
1. Unrealistic Expectations and a Culture of Perfectionism
New Year’s resolutions often lead us to set overly ambitious or unrealistic goals. We promise to overhaul our entire lifestyle overnight – to exercise every day, lose weight, save more money, or stop a bad habit entirely. But when we approach change with an “all or nothing” mindset, we’re not just hoping to improve; we’re often setting ourselves up for failure. Studies indicate that only about 8% of people achieve their New Year’s resolutions, leaving the other 92% likely feeling defeated or even unmotivated to try again.
Perfectionistic standards are not only unrealistic but also counterproductive. When we set ourselves up for such high expectations, we are more likely to feel intense disappointment when we inevitably fall short. Over time, this can reinforce a negative self-image, as we begin to see ourselves as “failures” who can’t meet our own goals. In the end, these expectations can do more harm than good, as they amplify self-doubt and erode self-esteem.
2. Resolutions Fuel Cycles of Shame and Self-Criticism
When we break a New Year’s resolution, it’s easy to feel shame. This is especially true if we’ve repeated the same goals year after year, failing each time. Instead of reflecting on what might be getting in our way, we often internalise these perceived failures. This can result in a cycle of self-criticism that can damage our relationship with ourselves. Rather than giving ourselves room to make gradual changes or adapt to setbacks, resolutions can create a rigid framework of “success” or “failure.”
Psychologically, shame and self-criticism are some of the least effective motivators for sustained change. When we berate ourselves for not meeting a goal, we aren’t inspiring change but reinforcing negative beliefs about ourselves. This can drain our motivation and even lead us to abandon our goals altogether.
3. The “One Time” Myth: True Change Doesn’t Happen on a Schedule
One of the most problematic elements of New Year’s resolutions is the myth that change can or should happen all at once. Sustainable change is a gradual process that often requires multiple attempts, learning from setbacks, and adapting to life’s unpredictability. Real, lasting change rarely happens because of a single, rigid goal set on a specific date.
Psychologically, we are much more likely to maintain progress when we break down our goals into smaller, manageable steps. Rather than focusing on an all-or-nothing approach, incremental change allows us to celebrate small successes along the way, which can be powerful motivators for continued growth.
So, What’s the Alternative?
Instead of setting New Year’s resolutions, consider practising a mindset of continuous growth and self-compassion. By shifting away from the rigid goals of a resolution, we open ourselves to a journey of improvement without the pressure of an “end date.” This approach allows us to work on our goals throughout the year, adjusting them as needed without the pressure of a looming deadline.
Another helpful strategy is to focus on intentions rather than resolutions. For example, rather than setting a strict goal to “lose weight,” consider an intention like “focus on nurturing my physical and mental health.” Intentions allow us to honour our needs, to be kind to ourselves, and to adapt as life unfolds.
While New Year’s resolutions may seem like an innocent tradition, they can often do more harm than good by promoting unrealistic expectations, fuelling cycles of self-criticism, and encouraging an “all or nothing” approach. Sustainable change, on the other hand, requires patience, flexibility, and a gentle approach. This year, consider giving yourself the freedom to evolve on your own timeline – without the pressure of an arbitrary start date.
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