Let’s face it, no one is perfect. We’re all human, which means that we all have flaws and imperfections. We all lose our shit sometimes, and we can have strong feelings. The important thing to remember is that we try to repair communication break downs when they occur. The perfect family is not about what it looks like from the outside, you know the picture I’m talking about, the white picket fences, manicured gardens, a high paying job, and all the rest of it. In fact, perfection does not exist, but healthy family relationships do. Here’s what they look like.
An emotionally healthy family is based upon feeling connected to one another in an authentic way, as well as interdependence. Interdependence does not mean an enmeshed relationship where there are no clear boundaries, and everyone is in each other’s business. Interdependence means a healthy boundaried manner of supporting each other and relying on each other to get through whatever it is that life throws at you.
When two people come from unstable and dysfunctional backgrounds to create their own family, it takes a lot of inner work for them to learn their triggers and help themselves through it. When this occurs, they can then be present and available for their own children. They can then support their child’s emotional development, allow them to become who they actually are, and not what they want them to be, they can provide a safe space for belonging they can return to and rely on, and they can teach their child what love and relationships look like.
When children witness a functional and respectful relationship in this way, they become more confident in sharing how they feel, they can rely on each other for support but also explore the world independently, they know their parent will apologise if they snap or say something hurtful, their parents cherish them for their own unique self, and they do not need to betray parts of themselves just to be approved of by their parents.
When parents are aware of their own triggers and work to repair communication break downs by apologising, parents model that when they hurt someone they take ownership, that their actions can impact others, that it’s ok to be human and make mistakes, that when we make mistakes people still love us, and that we can trust people.
Self-work to foster healthy family relationships can be tough. It means we have to work through our own trauma and triggers to ensure that we can foster healthier relationships with our partners and family. For support with managing interpersonal relationships, or working on parenting, we’re here to help. Give our team a call on (03) 9882 8874 to book an appointment.
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This blog was written and prepared by Dr Celin Gelgec – Clinic Director and Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.