Expectations. We all have them. Of ourselves. Of others. Others have them of us. There’s a whole bunch of societal expectations (think morality and socially acceptable behaviours vs unacceptable ones). How helpful are expectations when it comes to our mental health?
Expectations are helpful when they inform us of right vs wrong. Expectations are helpful as they set guidelines and models of what to expect in any given situation. Expectations that we set on ourselves can also be helpful when they are flexible as they enable us to achieve a set of goals. In these situations, expectations are helpful for our mental health because they help us have structure as well feel a sense of purpose so that we can feel fulfilled.
Expectations are unhelpful for our mental health when they are rigid and inflexible. When expectations are rigid and inflexible, they set us up for disappointment and heartbreak. When there is a gap between where reality is, and where our expectations sit, we feel pain. We feel greater pain when our expectations sit a lot higher than reality. Have a think about when someone let you down because you expected so much more from that relationship? Have a think about when someone let you down because they’re fundamentally different from you and conduct life differently from you. Have a think about what you expected at work based on what was promised and work feeling so very different. If we were in these same situations with flexibility in mind, then the heartache isn’t as intense. It’s not to say that we can’t get disappointed when things don’t go to plan, but we’re more likely to take it in our stride if we are able to be flexible, stand back and see the whole picture while feeling disappointed that things didn’t go to plan.
Our set of values can also impact how we respond to expectations. The more meaningful are expectations are, the more heartache we’ll feel also. Now you can’t really change your values, nor should you. You can however be aware of what they are and prepare yourself for how those values impact your expectations in life. For example, if honesty is important to you in a relationship, however a partner is consistently dishonest, then this is going to impact your mental state as well as your trust in future relationship. Being aware of values such as these and their level of importance can help us navigate these sorts of situations when that go awry. It’s not always easy though to navigate these waters and that’s when it can be helpful t speak to an objective professional to help you along the way. If you need further support on navigating expectations in managing your mental health, give our team a call on (03) 9882 8874 to book an appointment.
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This blog was written and prepared by Dr Celin Gelgec – Clinic Director and Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.