Relationships are hard work. We’re all in some kind of relationship. Relationships are not just intimate ones. We’re in relationships with family, friends, colleagues, the list goes on. What is it that can make us feel hurt and triggered at times during the course of relationships? When we feel hurt it can have such a huge impact on our lives. There are many reasons why relationships are hard but the following three examples are difficult pills to swallow.
Pill 1:
Sometimes we ask for too much in a relationship. So many of us can struggle to articulate what it is we actually want in a relationship, and so we have these internal expectations of what needs we have and we expect them to be met. Sometimes though asking people to fulfil all our needs or expecting them to fulfil needs that we ourselves should be meeting can set unrealistic expectations. This then can lead to disaapointment and heartache.
Pill 2:
Sometimes we ask the wrong person. Not everyone has the capability both emotionally and pragmatically of meeting a particular need at a particular time, nor should we expect them to meet our needs in return for us being available to them and being able to meet their needs.
Pill 3:
Sometimes we get in our own way. Triggers can come up and get in the way of us being happy in a relationship. We can also hold back from communicating our needs because we expect that the other person should know. No one can read minds. What needs to happen for you to be able to communicate your needs?
These are hard pills to swallow right? We can all relate to these scenarios at one point or another in our lives. It’s really challenging to break away from these cycles at times, especially when we have an internal critic that consistently sets unrealistic expectations of ourselves and of others. One of the most helpful ways of breaking these patterns is to identify when they occur, why they occur, to identify what impact they have on you and others, and then set limits and boundaries to help work through the maladaptive expectations.
If you can relate to some or all of these examples, and need support in breaking these cycles, give our team a call on (03) 9882 8874 to book an appointment with one of our team.
To subscribe and listen to our podcast “Breaking the Rules: A Clinician’s Guide to Treating OCD”, click on the following links: Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Apple Podcasts. Episodes will be released fortnightly and will simultaneously be published on our webpage here.
This blog was written and prepared by Dr Celin Gelgec – Clinic Director and Clinical Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.