A people pleaser is someone who considers someone else’s needs ahead of their own. Someone who will do whatever it takes to make others happy. Sounds nice, right? Well, yes. However, while being kind, agreeable and helpful to others are all positive traits, there are consequences to being a people pleaser. In putting other people first, people pleasers have a hard time or often end up not advocating for themselves. Sacrificing or neglecting themselves in the pursuit of pleasing others can lead to people to feel stressed, anxious and emotionally depleted.
How to help your children with their screen time.
Screen time has become a large part of modern life, and it is increasingly common for children to spend time on screens. Screen time offers educational opportunities, social connection, entertainment and skill development and can be a wonderful way to spend time. Screen time however also has its drawbacks which can include a reduced amount of physical activity, disruption to sleep, reduced engagement in hobbies, reading and creative play, social isolation if children are missing face to face activities, exposure to inappropriate content and in serious cases, addiction.
Imposter Syndrome and the Impact It Can Have
Imposter syndrome is a psychological phenomenon where people doubt their skills, talents, and achievements and have a persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor in their professional or personal life, despite evidence to the contrary. It involves feeling like one doesn't belong, feeling like a fraud, fearing exposure, and feeling like everyone else is more competent.
Childhood trauma: More than just what you experience.
Childhood trauma does not just come from what you experience physically, emotionally, etc. It doesn’t even have to be huge events. It can be micro in nature that accumulates, and it can also come from neglect, but neglect in the form of what we don’t experience as children and need to. The following examples are all situations that when lacking in our childhood, can lead to us developing unhealthy habits and expectations. When reading through each one have a think about what growing up was like for you and how the lack of these things could have impacted your development.
How to respond when someone has invalidated your feelings.
How hurt do you feel when someone invalidates your feelings? How many times have you heard the following be said to you in your lifetime from various people: “You’re over-reacting”, “Why are you so sensitive?”, “Don’t do this to yourself”, “Calm down I was just joking!”, “You’re acting crazy!”. Gets your blood boiling, right? Here are 7 ways to respond to these and other comments made by others when you feel invalidated.
How to have a helpful time out
As we start approaching the end of February, and have well and truly moved beyond the holiday season, life starts to get busy again. For those of us who were lucky to have a break over the new year, I know that after returning to work for a few weeks, it can quickly start to feel like the time off was a distant memory. We are quickly reminded of all the responsibilities we have and the competing demands on our time, whether it’s school, work, looking after our kids, cooking, cleaning, socialising, making time for family, the list just goes on and on. Life can certainly be overwhelming at the best of times, and we also might have particular stressors on top of that. Together, this can mean that we do not always take the best care of ourselves, and our physical and mental health can really suffer as a result.
So, I think this blog is a really important one. Given that it is still early in the new year, there is still time to enforce good habits for the remainder of the year and moving forward. I think we need to take the time to be really intentional about how we take care of ourselves. We often encourage children to have a “time out” when they are feeling overwhelmed or frustrated. I believe we can learn something from this as adults too. When life is feeling overwhelming, when stress is high and things are feeling too hard to overcome, sometimes having a time out can help.
Let’s explore the ways to have a helpful time out.
Identify where you will go for your time out
The location of your time out will depend on where you are. For example, if you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed while at home, can you take yourself to another room or go out for a walk? If you are at work, is there a private space like a break room you could go to, or somewhere outside? It can be really helpful to physically take yourself out of the environment where you are feeling the unpleasant emotions, even just changing rooms can have a big impact. Brainstorming some ideas for time out locations ahead of time is also recommended as it can be harder to think about it in the moment of distress.
Communicate
Often when we are feeling overwhelmed or stressed, we are around other people. An example that comes to mind is having a disagreement with your partner. If an argument is escalating and you notice yourself in need of a time out, communicating this is really important. As you can imagine, randomly walking away in the middle of an argument without saying anything can actually create more tension and anger in your partner. Instead, it can be helpful to respectfully assert the intentions behind the time out strategy, and let them know that you will be willing to re-connect and continue the dialogue once you have had some time away to calm down. Communicating your needs and respectfully asserting a time out can be helpful in many different situations.
Learn your warning signs
Sometimes our emotions are so advanced and distressing that we lose access to the part of our brain that remembers what healthy strategies to use. Therefore, it is helpful to be aware of the early warning signs that things are starting to escalate. These warning signs are unique to all of us, but some helpful tips can be tuning in to what’s happening in your body when you start to get stressed, what physical sensations do you notice and where do they show up? The next time you notice these sensations pop up it is a good hint to pre-emptively give yourself a time out before things escalate further.
Make the time out a healthy and effective one
During the time out, it is important to find ways to help you self-soothe. Again, what feels calming is unique to you, but explore different ways you can use the time effectively to calm the mind and the body. These kinds of tools are the things you can talk with your psychologist about in therapy.
If you would like to talk about this some more and develop your own unique way to have a healthy time out, give our team a call to arrange an appointment on (03) 9882-8874.
This blog was written and prepared by Hannah Gersh – Psychologist at Melbourne Wellbeing Group.